Poster Girl Diary
Entry 1 - Well, just how did I get here…
From the woman who didn’t take chances or allow that part of her to explore all the possibilities… to becoming the “Poster Girl”? Well, I will tell you, lots and lots of letting go, embracing and finding pure JOY in what I simply LOVE!
This journey started in 2016, I was 47 years old, and my health was not the best to say the least. I had to change my perspective, my path and my life, both physically and mentally and make myself a priority.
The realization that women are among the Creator’s most beautiful, complex and imaginative creatures was liberating. I found strength, courage, and even grace. I took control and felt safe and confident; and began this adventure to unlock all that my body and mind can be.
My favorite things to do as a kid were dancing, playing dress up, and pretending. I liked creating characters and being theatrical. After taking control of my health and body and finding out all I CAN do again. Along with several trips to stores, online and offline, to revamp my wardrobe, I realized…. Wait… I still LOVE doing those things I did as a kid.
Entry 2 - My first photo shoot
Another key to this new attitude was 2 years ago, my friend Eric of Kimbrell Photography asked if I would like to do a photo shoot. Without hesitation, I said YES! And from this point, there was no turning back, no ignoring that inner drive, passion, and desire, the playfulness of being theatrical.
So what do I do next! Go through my closet to see what I actually have (check) – Spend hours and hours on Pinterest looking for ideas on outfits, poses, looks (check) – Try on the clothes, outfits, buy some new stuff, settle on what looks I want (check) – Practice, practice, practice all my poses, faces, positions, body angles (check) – Have Chris take test pictures to see how they look (check) – change my mind about the outfits (check). FINALLY, 6 months later I was ready.
It was literally the most exhilarating thing I had ever done. Every costume, every pose, every look, gave me power. I made a lot of mistakes, like being unaware of where my body was in the frame of the shot to putting strength and action in each pose, but Eric still made me look good. And not fully knowing it yet “Poster Girl" was coming to life that night.
Side note - Every woman should do something like this at least once in your life. As I said… Our Creator made each of us beautiful, unique, different, and amazing. Find your way to embrace that.
Entry 3 - Groupie
She was the first one, the first time, the first inkling, the first thought…. Chris and I did an impromptu video announcing a gig for his band Medicine Crow. The response was positive. After that, we decided to take photos to promote the band’s next gig. We called these Groupie, and people really seemed to respond to the photo. Groupie, she was the spark that started Medicine Crow’s “Poster Girl”.
For years, Chris and I have looked for something to collaborate on. And this was perfect. He loves the process of the set-up, figuring out how to “showcase” his Poster Girl. I love thinking about the characters, finding the right look, dressing up, “pretending” to be Groupie, The Crow, Boudoir Beauty or Honey Bunny.
As I mentioned, one of my MOST favorite things to do growing up was to play dress-up, put on costumes and prancing and dancing around. I can be playful and dramatic, be whoever I want, dress however I want, whenever I want... and who knew, these photo sessions would also be foreplay.
Entry 4 - Empty nest (yea!)
I am a fortunate woman and being a mom is one of my greatest honors in life. They are treasures and gems and the world is a better place with them in it . I love my kids more than life, those three little babies (all totally different personalities) that are all grown up. Going through all the ups and downs, the sacrifices and blessings, even that inevitable and irreplaceable knowledge that being a parent allow you to learn... but I am also glad they are out of the house!
Side note - I absolutely LOVE that it’s just me and my man. There’s time… time to focus on us, without being disturbed, or having to be quiet, or quick... it is great and our bond is tighter than ever.
Entry 5 - Sex and Sensuality (part 1)
Since the dawn of time, cultures have acknowledged how healthy and necessary sex is. It’s just recent puritanical history that’s drilled into the minds of young women that you and your bodies don’t need or shouldn’t find pleasure. I am here to tell you... that’s a lie.
Did you know women’s bodies are intricately woven masterpieces? What our bodies are able to do. The unabashedly sexy ways I can feel by knowing what I want. We are made for discovery and pleasure. I know scandalous! But really it’s not, just imagine that thing that feels better than anything else... And there you are.
For some reason no one wants to talk about or acknowledge those moments that swoop in and really just take over. Sharing that physical connection with another person is powerful, invigorating, and just plain fabulous. The best kept secret is that I can be wild in ways that only he knows. There’s freedom in that... but those are details for another day.
Entry 6 - The Tiny Dancer Inside
Flashback to 197????? to a little girl who slid on the ballet slippers, leotard and tights for the first time. And, there she was! This was my first memory and realization that would soon become a big part of what makes me tick.
My first dance teacher was Frances Welch, She had a local dance studio and introduced many of us to art of dance.
Every fall, I signed up for her classes, sometimes tap, sometimes ballet, sometimes jazz. I remember the way the wooden floor looked, the barre at one side of the room, all the mirrors, the way the studio smelled, the sound of the tap shoes clicking, how it felt learning those Chaînés, running flaps, kicks, leaps. I loved it!
Then, the icing on the cake was the recital at the end of the year! I got to wear make-up at dress rehearsal AND at the performance. The costumes had sequins, tulle, fabulous colors, frills, itched like hell sometimes, but I did not care.
One thing about Mrs. Welch, she really worked on technique all year. We learned one maybe two dances for the end of the year, and this gave me a solid foundation for the future.
My next teachers were Mrs. Horn (high school modern dance) and Michael Buckner in college. They gave me projection, performance, “jazz hands”, attitude, stage presence, musicality, and flat out desire to dance. This little girl is all grown up but has never lost that feeling, that need to dance. And the way music and even more so, moving to that music, continues to set her spirit free to this very day.
Entry 7 - Eroticism… to me
Erotic is a tricky word. It means different things to different people, its definition has evolved over time depending on the generation, geography, and the moral attitudes of the day. But I have come to embrace this word and realize that it’s part of who I am and the way I want to live.
Eroticism is a celebration of our sexuality. It is sensual and suggestive. It is more about your fantasies and desires. It is a type of emotional and psychological foreplay, not just the sex act itself.
The word erotic to me is more burlesque than stripper, more artform than porn, more character creation than merely dressing up, more boudoir than full frontal. It is about the tease, the allure, the arousal.
And for me it was also a conscious choice to leave something to the imagination which is an important distinction. Your mind is a powerful thing and thoughts can be very tantalizing!
Entry 8 - WTF, Women!
I don’t really expect everyone to understand what I am doing, why I chose this Poster Girl adventure or even appreciate all aspects of this journey. And if anyone ever openly comments or expresses concern/questions, that’s ok. I honestly do appreciate your candor and openness. I might not agree, I might not change anything, but open dialogue is good. We can agree to disagree.
What I cannot abide, understand or wrap my brain around are the women who are only interested in tearing other women down, going behind someone’s back, worried about things that simply have nothing to do with them.
This is for those in the back of the room… Why?? What is it about women that, some of us cannot either celebrate someone else’s freedom and power or just say, “That’s not for me.” And walk away.
But instead, there’s all these secret whispers, two-faced relationships and comments from so-called “ladies” who aren’t even affected or involved.
Sadly, I have had 2 such experiences recently. One only wanted to comment her “opinion” on a post. But when I tried to open up a dialogue with her through a private message, I was met with “I don’t care talk about it”. If you comment on something, then have the guts to back up your opinion. Needless to say, this person only wanted to express her point of view and try to shame me… Didn’t work.
The 2nd experience, to me, is FAR worse. This person approached my friends behind my back. And seemingly, was only interested in tearing down, degrading, and driving a wedge between people that she really isn’t even involved with. And the reason I know that her intentions were neither altruistic nor caring is because if one truly has questions, why not go straight to the source?
How can women expect men to respect us if we are hell-bent on judging, demeaning and attacking each other? How can we expect our daughters and the young women of the world to act any differently?
I encourage you to seek out those women who have your back, take care of business and protect you fiercely. They are true. I am lucky enough to have quite a few women that do just that for me. Some are family and some are CHOSEN family.
Entry 9 - Band Who & What?
Well, if you have been paying attention…. Poster Girl has added to her adventures. Band Wives & Beyond. This is my new podcast. It’s about the wives, lovers, significant others of the musicians they love, hate and tolerate and beyond that; ladies that are inspiring, intelligent and have learned to take control of their destiny.
All these women are beautifully authentic, bold… both inside and out…. And are the very women I hope to emulate.
I am always amazed at the depth of talent in our small community. And, my guess is, it’s that way in most areas. People may be ordinary… but even the ordinary have extraordinary gifts. I know this because I am a band wife and friends with several other musicians and their wives.
This podcast started as a way to talk to the significant others of musicians, but I quickly realized there were many other women I wanted to talk with and get to know, too. My list is long. Already, there are many women who have agreed to take a chance with me and be part of this podcast.
Entry 10 - Be Brave…
I found a quote several months ago. “Be brave enough to be bad at something new.” It’s from Jon Acuff, a nationally known author and leadership speaker. There was something about this one, simple sentence that was powerful, freeing and a revolution for me.
It's amazing how some random person can say less than 10 words and those 10 words impact someone they never even met. Makes ya think. Words are incredibly powerful, motivating, emotional, heart-breaking, inspiring. They can be sweet, soft, sexy, loving and beautiful expressions of emotions. They have the ability to build you up and tear you down.
As Poster Girl, it is my hope that you find the words and actions that illicit all those yummy positive feelings…. “Choose your words wisely”.
Entry 11 - Sex and Sensuality (part 2)
As I mentioned in Sex and Sensuality (part 1), women have been taught that we shouldn’t consider ourselves as sexual creatures. I know I shouldn’t say this, but my daughter has taught me something… When she says things like… “Mom, it’s just a vagina!”. What she’s really saying is, that it isn’t something that I should hide from myself or conceal or how complex it is. I should be celebrating my womanhood, my sexuality, wants AND desires.
Have you ever thought about it? I didn’t think about it in terms of words until this entry popped in my mind. What are those words for me? Hmmmm? So, let’s talk about words, What words immediately illicit an emotional and physical response from you? And when I say physical, I really mean sexual and sensual.
For me those words are… babe, love, mine, yes, harder, faster, softer, and some others, even more sexy and descriptive… I will not mention, but instead will leave those to your imagination.
Entry 12 - Grace… it’s more than a name
The word “grace” has several meanings from divine assistance from God to mercy, pardon to charming, attractive traits. But I am talking about the “act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency”.
Have you ever had “the worst day”, snapped at someone who didn’t deserve it? Well, this is about that other person…. What did they say? How did they respond? Or, you may have been on the other side and had someone respond to you in a less than positive way. And you think… “What the hell??” I have! And then after leaving the situation, I wonder what may be going on? Should I have responded in a totally different way? (yes, probably). I am always reminded (probably by “Divine nudging”), you don’t know what’s going on with this person! What could you have done to show some grace?
I believe there’s a way to build each other up simply through giving someone else a little grace. Someone posted on Facebook recently to tell at least one random stranger something nice/kind every day. Lift up their spirits and souls with simple gestures of kindness... this should be easy enough.
It is my mission and passion to smile to everyone I see every day. What’s yours? How will you show grace today? And, please, to those that I have been less that gracious to, expected too much from, and forgotten they have pressures and stresses…. I apologize.
I encourage you to show someone your grace today!